Though stay in PMA was physically and mentally laborious, it had many lighter moments as well - specially in the first term when many of us didn't understand the English correctly or were too simple to express themselves when confronting a bearer or an orderly. Sometimes even things came from the platoon commanders that sounded funny and made us smile even when in distress. This section is to recall those lighter moments with each other since at this age of our lives these small anecdotes of our innocent days is our prized treasure as long as we live.






 You don't have to force-laugh yourself if you don't want to - but please smile (it will make your wives happy)

(Shared by Rizwan Rashid)

GC Shakeel Mehdi had a very weak physical appearance. Incidentally his weight at the end of first term was a mere 43 Kg.Seniors used to call him as CHALTI PHIRTI 302 and they avoided ragging him.At the end of first term he was placed on Commandant Warning. He was made to march in accompanied by Maj Jami his platoon commander.  Pl Comd. Sir GC Shakeel Mehdi. Comdt.   After loking at the innocent face of 55pma IDP without uttering a word handed over      a        chit  to  Maj Jami( Maj Jami smiled).  Pl Comd. GC Shakeel March Off. On the way back there was complete silence, naturally GC Shakeel was highly perturbed and thought that he has been withdrawn and finally picked up the courage and asked about his fate.  Maj Jami handed over the chit to GC Shakeel. To his utter surprize and happiness  this was written on the Chit Placed on EXTRA DIET FOR NEXT  TERM

Two officers of 55 The Great were posted to the same Unit. They were great pals and had lot many common interests .Incidentally they had developed liking for the same sweet dish RUBRI.They were sitting together at the dinner table. This conversation took Place between the two while the waiter was serving.The CO was kind enough to ask them to take the aweet dish first.

 CHOORA.(PMA NAME) after filling his bowl to the brim.Sorry gentlemen this is my WEAK POINT

Cocklene.(he too filled his bowl to the brim) Sorry gentlemen this is my STRONGPOINT.

There was a burst of laughter at the table. Later on what happened to them is known only by them and the 2IC

During an outdoor Map Reading Class this transpired between our Pl Comd and a pl mate who is now an Honourable member of the Provincial Assembly:
Pl Comd, Yes Malik Show me the Point on Ground.
GC;  Sir if you see up 12 0 clock there is a  Hill, the SECOND CONTOUR is the point
Pl COMD.Well Done Boy Well Done! If  6 O Clock goes up your 12 O Clock  and becomes 1 O clock reaches 9 0 clock and comes out of 3 O clock only then you will understand  What Bloody CONTOUR is ( This was a classic example of the use of clock on human  body) You hybrid of a buffoonic Owl Write down the definition of CONTOUR 1000 times and be mindful of  the spelling it is CONTOUR and not 
cunt over

Few GCs were called by our Platoon Comd Maj Tariq Tareen  (May his soul rest in peace. Ameen) after the PT period. He bullshitted us and gave us a long sermon and at the end of the sermon he shouted and said you better Pull up your Bloody Socks. One of our platoon mates who retired as a COLONEL (full Charlie) not realizing what the Pl Comd has said bent down and pulled up his right sock and to our horror his  upper sock went up almost to his knee as lower half of the torn sock had given way. Because of the fear of the Pl Comd we could not even smile. Scaringly we looked at the Pl Comd who gave a hearty laugh. We all just smiled hiding our dirty teeth. (Only pers having good sense of humour will laugh those having sense of hammer will hit the hammer). Our Pl mate got the taste of Pl Comd Medicine in shape of 14 days Restrictions

An officer from 55 PMA was detailed as an interpreter with the president of a foreign country. He was  standing along with the president at an  after dinner speech. The president before the speech narrated a  joke. It was all Greek to our friend but he knew this much that the president had cracked a joke. He played clever and announced Ladies and Gentlemen the Honourable Mr President has cracked  a joke you all are requested to laugh your heart out. There was a burst of laughter  followed by tumultous applause. The President was damn impressed by our friend interpreter. (shared by the hearty Rizwan Rashid)

 Humour in Uniform (Shared by Coursemates)
Jokes Shared by Zafar Iqbal Durrani
One of our coursemate while doing mortar training, while adjusting the fire, could not get it right. after multiple tries he realized that the ground is not level. to adjust for the small de-leveling space, placed his fingers there, finding it leveled, FIRED!!! and lost his fingers. Many of us know who?? don't ask me the name. the person himself still enjoys by remembering it.
During an exercise while we were part of a fighting petrol. it was a pitched dark night and I happened to be the pacer and third from the front. Rest ten were behind me. From between small hills we appeared at a flat ground and suddenly it occurred to be and I jumped as if crossing an opening in the ground and to mine and others enjoyment, three of the colleagues jumped when reached the same spot. the fourth stopped and started feeling for the opening with his extended foot and all behind him stopped. Realizing what has happened, everybody gave a big laugh.
While in PMA, I was caught by one of the uppers from Qasim company while I was passing in front of their building during the evening. It was freezing cold winters. He made me remove all my clothes, made me stand on the 3 feet snow which has freshly fallen in my underwear. the funny man put snow in my underwear, placed a block of snow on my head, and balls of snow in my arm pits and let me there the whole night. Allah knows how GCs survive.
Next day I decided a revenge. as it was a Sunday therefore, I waited for the gentlemen to go for dinner. I entered his room which was on the second floor, locked it from inside, locked the windows also from the inside less one and came out from the fire escape. But before that I did not forget to empty his shaving cream tube into his socks which were lying ready for the morning uniform, on the toe portions as well as the spare socks. filled his drill boots with his tooth paste, replaced the blade in his shaving razor with an old one, removed all the buttons of the fly of his uniform pants lying ready for the morning fall-in and threw all his underwear on the outside terrace.
There came the upper, finds the room locked from the inside. yelled for the person inside to open up or ..... having no answer, went to the side room and tried from there. it was locked. with quite a struggle for two hours he could not enter. at around passed midnight a wise coursemate of his told him to try the windows. he went outside with many of his course mates, noticed the small opening of the window, brought the ladder from the fire fighting point nearby, climbed and entered his room and slept. As he was always the last to joint the morning fall-in being difficult to get up in the morning, got up hurriedly, dashed for the razor to shave, the razor couldn't work, cuts his face from many places, search for his under wears, finds none, hurriedly puts his pants and finds the fly open and no spare pants ironed to wear, abusing pulls his socks and Pichaak, finds creams all over his feet, threw them pulls the spare ones and Pichaak, no other option, still abusing but this time with the top of his voice and puts his feet in the shoes......... you can well imagine his fate, late from the fall-in, late from the drill rehearsals and furious. hay hay hay, I still enjoy the sight of him.
I kept enjoying his sight at the GC room doing punishment for seven days.
While part of a recce patrol, I was moving with the team. A sudden sound of thud came and the leader disappeared with a cry. the person in front warned me to be careful as there was a ditch in front and jumped. thud, crash, noises and abuses as he also disappeared. thinking that all ahead were stupid, I went back, took a running start to clear the ditch with a big jump. I landed on the person who was hurriedly trying to clear the way. It was a nullah with a width of at least 30 yards.
Once I was caught by the seniors again in front of the Qasim block. It was night and the full moon was shining and it was freezing cold and snow all over. they made me jump into the water pond outside in the lawn. The water was frozen in a glass sheet and it broke open when I jumped in purposely with a splash. All four of them got wet and started abusing me with Nastalique. now they the ordered me to have a dip. I made them struggle for it and then dipped. I being the colored holder swimmer and especially in underwater swimming went and sat at the bottom holding my breath for two reasons. one that it was comfortably warm their as compared to the outside and secondly to scare them. After a while I could hear their concern voices" OYEI MAR GAYA< AB HAMARA KIA BANAY GHA< ZALEEL ADMEE TAYREE WAJAH SAY HAMARA BHEE COMMISSION GAYA etc" then one of them decided to bring the dead body out. I could see them clearly in the background of the shining moon, one was about to come in and rest standing in a circle on the edge of the pond, I suddenly pushed out with full force of my feet. All of them were soaked to the nails. Seeing me standing outside, they had a sigh of relief, joined my laughs and became my very good friends. not to mention that they gave me a good refreshment from the CAFE. Those good PMA traditions.

In the middle of  Ex Zarb-e Momin, while we were advancing, I saw one of our(blue land) SP guns coming along with Captain and a Subedar standing on the outer body of the moving vehicle quite stylishly. By some incorrect map reading/navigational error, we banged head on to fox land defenses at around 11 a.m. They were very nicely camouflaged and we could not see them till we were almost 50 yards. Hats off to the fire control of the deployed infantry local commander that at that moment the entire platoon came out of their trenches and charged towards us shouting Allah ho Akbar. Mind you we were the Armour brigades’ front elements. To our utter amusement and surprise, on the look of the charging Infantry, the crew of the Artillery gun was horrified and the vehicle made a pivot turn and rushed back. Whenever I remember that I still laugh and cannot forget the face expressions of the Stylish Captain and the Subedar standing on the gun.

( This was narrated to me by one of the company commanders of my Bn ). He was an Afridi and a Major. One day I developed pressure in my stomach while the CO has called me to brief about a job. The briefing was going on and on and the pressure was also mounting. I could not listen to a word of CO as my full concentration was on saving my "izzat". The moment beefing was over I rush towards the Jon. I hurriedly lowered my pants and sat on the English commode and haaa….! A sigh of relief. When I came to senesces, I realized that I did not hear the sound of normal GROOOPED! I looked down and realized that in the hurry I forgot to lower my underwear and …………… Ha Ha.

Humour in Uniform ( From around the World )
A DIG and a Commandant of the Armed Police were relaxing on the lounge of the mess. The conversation turned towards their orderlies a short while later. Each one claimed that his orderly was a fool. The two decided to compare. The commandant called for his orderly and said, "Ram Singh here is a ten rupees note go and purchase an Ambassador car from the market right now and bring it here. "Right Sir", said the orderly. He took the note from the officer saluated and went back. Then the DIG called his orderly and told him, "Prem Singh, go to my office and see whether I'm sitting there or not. "Right Sir", the orderly said and went back. The two officers had a hearty laugh not realising that the orderlies were talking outside. Ram Singh was saying, "Prem Singh, look at my stupid boss he doesn't even know that the market is closed today and the car cannot be bought". "And look at my boss Ram Singh, he wants me to go and see whether he is in his office or not. Why can't he ring up and find out. I've never seen such a lazy officer in my life".
One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!" Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?" Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"
The cavalryman was galloping down the road, rushing to catch up with his regiment. Suddenly his horse stumbled and pitched him to the ground. Lying in the dirt with a broken leg, terrified of the approaching enemy, the soldier called out: "All you saints in heaven, help me get up on my horse!" Then, with superhuman effort, he leaped onto the horse's back and fell off the other side. Once again on the ground, he called to the heavens: "All right, just half of you this time!"
This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95.

CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
A trio of old veterans were bragging and jokes about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall. "My great grandfather, at age 13," one declared proudly, "was a drummer boy at Shiloh." "Mine," boasts another, "went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn." "I'm the only soldier in my family," confessed vet number three, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world." "Really? What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know.
"Nothing much. But he would be 165 years old."
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."
General Baldwin had barely arrived in the forward area when a sniper's bullet removed a button from his shirt. He threw himself to the ground in terror. The men stood around with the greatest unconcern. The general yelled at a passing sergeant. "Hey, isn't somebody going to kill that damned sniper?" The sergeant looked down at the general and replied:
"I guess not, general. We're scared that if we kill him the enemy will replace him with somebody who really knows how to shoot."
Laughter is the best Medicine ( Other Jokes )
Commonalities (or otherwise) between a bicycle and a woman (Shared by Zaffar Iqbal Durrani)

1. Bicycles don't get pregnant.

2. You can ride your bicycle any time of the month.

3. Bicycles don't have parents.

4. Bicycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.

5. You can share your bicycles with your friends.

6. Bicycles don't care how many other bicycles you've ridden.

7. When riding, you and your bicycle can arrive at the same time.

8. Bicycles don't care how many other bicycles you have now.

9. Bicycles don't care if you look at other bicycles.

10. Bicycles don't care if you buy bicycle magazines.

11. You'll never hear, "Surprise, you're going to own a new bicycle" unless you go out and buy one yourself.

12. If your bicycle goes flat, you can fix it.

13. If your bicycle is too loose, you can tighten it.

14. If your bicycle gets misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics with it.

15. You can have a black bicycle and bring it home to your parents.

16. You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your bicycle.

17. If you say bad things to your bicycle, you don't have to apologize before you ride it again.

18. You can ride your bicycle as long as you want and it wont get sore.

19. You can stop riding your bicycle as soon as you want and it wont get frustrated.

20. Your parents wont remain in touch with your old bicycle after you dump it.

21. Bicycles don't get headaches.

22. Bicycles don't insult you if you're a bad rider.

23. Your bicycle never wants a night out with other bicycles.

24. Bicycles don't care if you're late.

25. You don't have to take a shower before you ride your bicycle.

26. If your bicycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.

27. You can ride your bicycle the first time you meet it without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.

28. The only protection you need to wear when riding your bicycle is a decent helmet.

29. When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great ride you had the last time you were on your bicycle

Two Pushtoon Couples (Pushtoon as oppossed to Pukhtoon, since the former is from my area and the latter from else where and I do not want to offend anyone), decided to exchange partners. After an amazing 3 hours of intimate sex, Mukhmud Khan said to his partner ,'Lets see how the girls are doing." ( Shared by Tariq Khan )

An Indian chief is driving his Cadillac somewhere at Nevada. Suddenly his car gets broken. He examines it, and reveals that a technician must be called. But the chief has only $4, and no credit card (unfortunately B-) ). So he gathers some wood, makes a fire and signals his tribe with its smoke: "Hey, send somebody to my location with $500!" The tribe accepts this signal, but to make sure in its meaning, signals back - once again, with the smoke: "OK, chief, but why so much ?" At this moment a ground test of nuclear bomb is being held on the test field nearby. A huge mushroom-like cloud of smoke rises into the sky... The tribe signals: "Ok, Ok, chief, we just wondered, why to be so angry?"
A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord." The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer books and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door.

Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He then asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the community." The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and a thank you note from the police officer.

Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the country." The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senators in front of the door ( Could be true in our case - don't you think so? ).
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face." The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
  • When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
  • They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
  • A classified ad which read "Wife Wanted" received hundreds of responses, all from men saying "You can have mine."
  • A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.
  • A man needs a mistress, just to break the monogamy.
  • A son asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son. I'm still paying for it."
  • Confucius say man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink.
A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.

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